If you like Marilyn Monroe or Ana de Armas, don’t watch ‘Blonde’ on Netflix

After a brief theater tour, Blonde is now hitting Netflix, and NC-17 looks into the life of Marilyn Monroe. panned by critics and shunned by audiences similar. I wanted to judge for myself, but after nearly three hours of watching yesterday, I know what the hype is all about. This is an intolerable feature on multiple counts. I can’t recommend it to anyone, let alone fans of Marilyn herself or the actress who plays her, Ana de Armas.

This article contains graphic language describing the events of the film.

First, good. Ana de Armas is just as stunning and hypnotizing as Marilyn, at least when it comes to her looks. It’s breathtakingly gorgeous. that’s all As beautiful as the movie is, the rest is… very ugly.

The movie I kept thinking about when I saw this was The Passion of the Christ. It was pure, non-stop brutality meant to show the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but in the end it all felt weird and gross and like a filmmaker. Get off the on-screen awfulness. The same applies to blondes. Under the guise of “telling the story of Marilyn,” the film is nearly three hours long in which she is gaslighted, spoken to, and more disturbingly, physically and sexually abused for virtually the entire duration.

Her mentally unstable mother tried to kill her when she was a child. Her big break into the acting industry later came when she was raped by a studio president.Her threesome relationship with two men led to her first husband, Joe, physically abusing her. It ends with an attempt to blackmail DiMarzio. JFK summoned her for sex like a call girl, kidnapped her and forced her to abort the child she was pregnant with, at least according to this film. The second In addition to the miscarriage, the forced abortion we see her appear in the film.

It’s all just… incredibly dark, and while this doesn’t feel like a truth-telling mission to prove Marilyn, it does more damage to her even after she’s dead, giving her an on-screen look. It feels like venting all the trauma.The reason it’s rated so well is that De Armas is often topless, but that’s not the reason. has a ridiculous two-minute sequence of JFK having oral sex. For real It’s happening, but it’s as graphic as it could be in a pantomime. Neither scene is needed and can be easily cut.

Another problem here is Ana de Armas herself. Trust me, I love essentially every De Armas I’ve ever seen since she first terrorized Keanu Reeves in Knock, Knock. Although she manages to play the role and express her fear and grief well, her very pronounced Spanish accent keeps slipping into Marilyn’s speech in essentially every scene. It doesn’t matter, and it hasn’t mattered in de Armas’ past work, but when she’s playing a very specific real-life person here, it’s a distraction, and it’s a distraction that makes her performance and non-stop. Between the atrocities of , I kept wanting what I wanted.

This movie is gross. I don’t know what else to say. Rather than an homage to Monroe, it feels more of an exploitation of the abuse she suffered. I think it’s a hair and makeup job. The concept of a risqué, artsy Marilyn feature starring de Armas may sound appealing on paper and in trailers, but trust me.

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