Black women over 50 shared love lessons they would like to know earlier

all bagels / Getty Images

Age does not come with wisdom for all, but sometimes it comes to love. After decades of being in one or more relationships, you are likely to come to conclusions about the love you would like to know before. Many of us who are in love or looking for love could take advantage of this lessons.

You may be in a stable relationship but want to deepen the bond between you and your partner. Or maybe you are happily single but want to be ready when the love of your whole life comes.

Be that as it may, we asked 17 women more than 50 who are both single and partners to share what they would like to know about love before, and what lessons they can offer others based on their experiences. Hopefully you will be able to find at least one piece of advice that you like and where you are on your love journey.

Keep in mind that there is no single formula for love – everyone’s path is different.

However, you can take any gems you are associated with and use them to build healthier and more loving relationships.

Tanza Wallace Westry, Chief Financial Officer and Postgraduate Student, Richmond, Virginia – “I would like to know that it is normal to have a voice – and that having a voice does not mean whining. I would like to know to set boundaries and stick to them. The women in my family have shown me that in order to have a man, you need to “allow” him to be a man. I would like to know that a “man” will always be a man without my help. I got married very young and my grandparents are mom [and] my aunts showed me the service of men, and this for me led to emotional violence and one-sidedness. I would like to know that women are also important and that success does not necessarily involve a man. Now I am much happier, but it took years and two marriages to achieve this with my second husband. ”

Tracy Banks News, Partner Marketing Manager at IBM, Atlanta (GA) – “Clearly consider your core values ​​in the relationship. If you’re not clear, you can’t really know what you need. ”

Erica Buzzell-May, Lawyer and Financial Planner, Ardmore, Pennsylvania – “I wish I knew how many stages we will go through as a couple. We are 25 years old at 54 and 58 ”.

Colin Holmes, residential real estate agent (Virginia) – “I would like to know that rocking a boat if everything is wrong is normal for health. We sometimes do. I try to be peaceful with my husband, but before I was afraid to talk. It was just my way of not wanting to argue in my house. At the time, I didn’t even know I could express my fears and frustrations, but still be his anchor. “

Tara Godby, Certified Life Coach, Austin (TX) – “It’s okay if you don’t” be alone. ” When we are young, we tend to be upset, sad, angry when our love doesn’t reciprocate or you break up because they found someone else. Or they do for “them” what they didn’t do for you. You weren’t “that one” and that’s okay. You will never be enough for the wrong and more than enough for the right. Let people do what they want you to see that they prefer! ”

Cassandra Rachel, teacher, Atlanta (GA) – “[That] loving yourself was the hardest part. Much of the old love advice is rooted in low self-esteem. People are advised to love themselves, but in different ways say the opposite when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Therefore, because my self-esteem was low and the relationship was always part of my young goals, the “health” of the relationship took [a] the front seat, loving yourself, would take the back seat. Women were taught to sacrifice, forgive, adapt, etc. If you’re with the wrong person, it puts in your head that your needs aren’t a priority. I’m still struggling in my mind and heart to make sure I’m meeting my needs and that my man is too, because, brought up the way I was, I’ll quickly push my needs aside without realizing I’m doing it. ” .

Melody Russell, Insurance Underwriter, Birmingham (Alabama) – “Discuss what love means at the beginning of a relationship. Love does not mean the same thing to all people. You can set yourself up for years of grief by expecting someone to love you the way you want to be loved if they don’t express love. ”

Angel Johnson, Retired Attorney (Florida) – “I wish I knew that love is a CHOICE, not a feeling.”

Nicole Malin, Writer, Upper Marlboro (MD) – “I got married at 50 for the first time, [and] I tell all my friends, young cousins ​​and others [to] throw men faster. We women waste a lot of time when we understand or feel that someone is not right for us. Either because of the fear of missing out, or because of the ab-h label, or because of what is said about you by body size. We stay there way too long. If he annoys you early on your second date, let him go. Move. If it’s been five months and you know he’s lying to you, but you can’t prove it, don’t try. Move. Soon there will be another guy. Also, stop talking about all your ex-boyfriends and ex-relationships to men when you start dating. You are much more than any injury you have experienced during dating. Do not talk about why the relationship ended, talk about your dreams, goals, hobbies. Let’s talk about you. Men suck all the air out talking about themselves. Make sure they know that you are also a complete person. ”

Tracy Anderson, Procurement Analyst, Richmond, Virginia – “It is normal when a lover puts himself first. You can love and make a career. You have to find the right person, but don’t agree with the wrong person. “

Sharon Davis, EA for CEO, Fairfield (CA) – “It’s okay to say no when you’re asked to get married and you know you’re not ready or [it’s] just because you’ve been together for a long time. I thought it was a good idea to get married after a long relationship. I really wasn’t ready, but still did it because “invitations were sent in the mail”.

Erica Messiah, Health / Integrity Payments, Atlanta (GA) – “LOVE SHOULD BE RAISED, NOT BEATEN !!! I would like to recognize the obvious signs of manipulative narcissistic behavior in the early stages of a relationship. I think we too often realize that a man has shown us who he was in the beginning. I believe that women are brought up to be foster children of the male ego, often in [their] costs, and society perpetuates this expectation to the detriment of women. Even if a woman decides to love herself rather than a toxic negative, she is told, “That’s why you’re lonely,” as if she’s a problem, or being healthy and lonely is NEGATIVE.

Trena Bryant, Coach and Self-Analyst, (MD) – “My advice: it is normal to do it in your own way (and in your own way)! So many people are trying to tell you the rules, but in reality there are none! Example: if you both want separate rooms or, heck, separate houses, do it! Do yours and yours, in your own way! ”

Keisha Johnson, Systems Engineer, Houston, Texas – “Love on your terms. I’m not saying don’t compromise, but don’t reconcile. ”

Tanya Taylor, Tower Operator, Harlem (New York) – “Sir.” I feel good “was not” right. ‘ Love and lust are not the same. I wish I had met more and not been in a dead long-term relationship. Too much wasted his young years waiting for this man to sow his wild oats. The last time I saw him, he was still alone 30 years later. I would like to listen to my mother. She always said don’t put all your eggs in one basket. My advice to women – meet as often as possible. If he doesn’t feed your soul, move on. After all, there is someone for you. ”

Beverly Johnson, Public Transportation Worker and Entrepreneur, Ypsilanti, Michigan – “One thing I would like to know is how much work it really is, because falling in love is easy. Falling in love is a job. “

Lisa B. Jones, Public Relations Consultant and Attorney, Harlem (New York) – “Forgive yourself what we did not know and allowed in the relationship. Clarify the difference between what we believe we want and what we need from a relationship. Love always starts with ourselves. ”

TOPICS: Black love love advice love and relationships

Black women over 50 shared love lessons they would like to know earlier

Source link Black women over 50 shared love lessons they would like to know earlier

Related Articles

Back to top button